My Narcissistic Partner Series introduces: GASLIGHTING AND HOW TO REBUILD TRUST IN YOURSELF

Selecting the term "gaslighting" to articulate the actual experience is a bad choice to describe it. Although the movie portrayed the concept effectively, the term itself can be challenging for people to grasp at first. Let's explore an alternative description: 

"Living with an induced uncertain understanding of myself and the world
daily and in every situation."

This statement conveys the essence of gaslighting, emphasizing the impact on an individual's perception of reality. It means that every aspect of your life, experience, and understanding of situations that were once clear and certain become clouded with self-doubt. You begin questioning your memory and judgment, expressing uncertainty about things they were once sure of. Examples like "Did I really say this?" or "Did I really misunderstand him?" reflect the constant internal questioning when you are subjected to gaslighting, where your confidence in your thoughts and actions is systematically eroded.

Gaslighting has an insidious nature, particularly when orchestrated by a skilled manipulator such as a narcissist or psychopath. As time progresses under their influence, a pervasive shift occurs in your perception. Doubt becomes a constant companion, and your thoughts are overshadowed by a persistent belief that you are inherently wrong. Your go-to emotion is anxiety.

In this distorted reality, seeking assurance from the Gaslighter becomes an automatic reaction. You need their validation and sense of what is "right" and "true". Their thinking becomes how you navigate the world as your understanding feels increasingly unreliable. This dynamic exemplifies the power imbalance and psychological control that Gaslighter establishes, leaving you dependent on the manipulator for a semblance of reality.

I've seen the intricacies of adapting to living with gaslighting. The seemingly mundane task of folding underpants asked "to be done the Kondo" way, became a hurtful row when the Gaslighter no longer desired these standards. Indeed, "folding the Kondo way" now reflected the victim's supposed failure to do things correctly. And it was used to prove their uncaring nature and unwillingness to contribute to their relationship. 

Being groomed into a gaslighted reality where the once seemingly true becomes doubtful is not an overnight occurrence. It's a gradual process executed with meticulous care and unwavering consistency. This is one of the rare instances where the often elusive trait of consistency is unmistakably displayed by a narcissist. Over time, the deliberate and persistent application of gaslighting techniques erodes your trust in your perceptions, leaving you in a distorted, scary version of reality crafted by the manipulator. You have entered the Gaslighter's "other world".

Take the first step

The initial inklings often arise without clear evidence, a subtle awareness that something may be amiss. The crucial first step in rebuilding trust in yourself begins with acknowledging those faint but persistent whispers saying, "But this is not true." Trusting these small, niggling doubts becomes a lifeline, a compass guiding one back to your own perception of reality. In heeding these early signals, the journey to reclaim one's confidence and truth commences, gradually unravelling the web of gaslighting and restoring a sense of self-assurance. 

Be gentle with yourself. Remember, it was a journey into the Gaslighter's  "other world", and it will be a journey to return back to your "realness". 

Please note:
Narcissists come in all shapes and forms, genders and colours, from all walks of life and cultures. My blog is focusing only on Narcissism, as I have come across as a psychologist and woman. To share knowledge, we need to know more than facts, and therefore, this blog tells of women whom their narcissistic male partners have abused.