My Narcissistic Partner Series introduces: COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, YOUR NARCISSIST'S SECRET WEAPON

"It felt amazing at first — like I'd found the missing piece of myself."

This is how it starts. With a surge. A high. A certainty that you’ve found something — or someone — that makes the world feel sharper, more alive, more you. But what you're actually experiencing is not connection. It's dopamine. And soon, you’re not chasing meaning — you’re chasing the next hit.

They call it a reward system. But for many, it becomes a prison.

The Seduction of Dopamine

Dopamine is the brain’s chemical promise — this will feel good. It spikes when you eat something delicious, when someone likes your post, when you win, when you hope. It’s the neurological applause that says: Do that again.

But when your world becomes engineered around dopamine highs — sugar, scrolling, porn, pills, likes, risks — your brain begins to lose its nuance. Your reward system stops whispering. It shouts. And you obey.

The Cycle You Didn’t See Coming

There’s a moment when pleasure tips into pattern.

"I used to feel joy after gaming for an hour. Now I need eight just to feel okay."

"I said it was just wine with dinner — but dinner started happening at 3pm."

"He told me I was the only one who made him feel alive. It felt like love. It was addiction."

This isn’t always about substances. Sometimes the hit is a person. A behaviour. An illusion of control. Dopamine doesn’t care. It rewards the spike — not the story.

The Cost of the High

• Natural Joy Dulls: Your brain adjusts. What once lit you up now feels muted. A sunset? A friend’s laugh? A meal? Flat. You need more to feel less.

• Tolerance Rises: Like all addictions, your threshold increases. The same dose doesn’t work anymore. You escalate.

• Your Brain Changes: The frontal lobe — your centre for reflection, choice, restraint — begins to quiet. You stop choosing. You start reacting.

• Withdrawal Sets In: When the high disappears, what’s left isn’t neutral. It’s low. Agitated. Empty. Depressed. And that drives you right back into the cycle.

Behavioural Addiction is Still Addiction

We’re told: It’s just a game. Just a phone. Just one more episode.

But if you’ve lost time, relationships, sleep, or joy to it — it’s not just anything.

It’s a tether. And it’s tightening.

How to Begin Again

Start by naming it — not to shame yourself, but to reclaim yourself.

"I used to think I was weak. Now I see I was wired into a cycle that didn’t care about my wellbeing. The more I blamed myself, the more I needed the high to cope. That ends now."

And allow the anger in. The anger at what this cycle stole from you.

"I missed birthdays. I missed who I was. I missed myself."

That rage is sacred. It is the fire that says: No more.

Please Note:

Dopamine addiction doesn’t discriminate. It hides in households, in habits, in hustle culture, in silence. My writing speaks from my lens — as a psychologist and a woman — but the pattern is shared by many. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You’re just ready to stop chasing the hit — and start coming home to yourself.