My Negative Feelings Series Introduces: STUCK WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS?

Emotions: Negative or Positive

Emotions are a fundamental aspect of your human experience, shaping how we perceive and interact with the world. Psychologist Paul Ekman initially proposed seven basic emotions: fear, anger, joy, sadness, contempt, disgust, and surprise. Over time, he refined his theory to focus on six primary emotions: fear, anger, joy, sadness, disgust, and surprise. In social discourse and psychology, these emotions are often categorised as positive or negative, with fear, anger, sadness, and possibly disgust falling into the "negative" category. But are they truly negative?

What is the Function of Emotions

Emotions serve as crucial signals that provide us with data and information about our current state in relation to the world around us. They reflect our internal experiences and our interactions with our environment. Emotions inform us of our needs, desires, and reactions, guiding us daily. Without emotions, we would lack a vital means of understanding our experiences and making decisions.

While some emotions, like joy, are pleasant and sought after, others, such as sadness or anger, are more challenging to endure. However, just because an emotion is difficult to live with does not inherently make it negative. Each emotion has a specific function and significance, contributing to our well-being and survival.

What Emotions Tell Us

Fear is an emotion that alerts us to perceived danger. Imagine a world without fear: crossing the road would become perilous as we wouldn't recognise the threat of an approaching car. The goal of having "no fear" is unrealistic and potentially dangerous. Fear, when it alerts us to real threats, is crucial in helping us navigate safely through a world with genuine dangers.

Anger is often frowned upon, but it is essential to distinguish between anger and aggression. While aggression is destructive, anger can signal that we perceive something as unfair or unjust. This emotion can catalyse change, motivating us to address and rectify wrongs. However, it is vital to manage anger constructively, ensuring that we control it rather than being controlled by it.

Many people try to avoid sadness, often equating it with depression. Yet sadness tells us that we have lost something or someone important. Grief, a profound form of sadness, typically arises from the loss of a relationship, a death, or a missed life opportunity. Ultimately, sadness is the price we pay for our capacity to love. Viewed this way, it is not a negative emotion but a testament to our deep connections and attachments.

Wrap up

Different emotions exist, and while some are more enjoyable than others, all emotions—heavy or light—are deeply interconnected with our lives. They provide us with essential insights and help us navigate our existence. It is crucial to honour all emotions as they are integral to what makes us human. Rather than labelling some feelings as negative and others as positive, we should recognise the value and purpose of each emotional experience. 

Would you agree?

Although some emotions are more, even more difficult to have, it might not be helpful to label them as negative. What do you think?

My Negative Feelings Series Introduces: BEING SAD

 

The Importance of Sadness

Sadness is often labelled as negative, but could this be a misconception? Does sadness, although difficult to bear, tell us something? It does. The emotions of sadness are important in how we relate to the world around us. It serves as a signal that helps us process significant life changes and losses. Understanding the value of sadness can lead to deeper self-awareness and emotional resilience.

Sadness from Losing Someone We Love

One of the most profound sources of sadness is the loss of someone we love. This can happen in the ending of a relationship or through the death of a loved one, which we call grief. When a relationship ends, we mourn the person, the future, and the shared experiences we anticipated. Grief, on the other hand, is the intense sorrow that follows the death of someone close to us. Both forms of sadness reflect the depth of our connections and the impact these individuals have on our lives. They remind us of our capacity to love and the importance of the people we hold dear.

Sadness from Inability to Live According to Our Goals

Another source of sadness is the inability to live according to our own goals and aspirations. This is particularly evident in situations where chronic pain or illness limits our capabilities. Sadness naturally arises when we can no longer pursue activities that once brought us joy and fulfilment. This type of sadness can be a powerful motivator, pushing us to find new ways to achieve a sense of purpose and satisfaction. It highlights our need for adaptation and resilience in the face of life's challenges and often triggers the need to rediscover our values.

Sadness from Losing an Object We Love

Sadness also emerges when we lose an object with significant sentimental value, such as a cherished toy or an item broken by someone else. These objects often symbolise important memories or aspects of our identity. We feel a sense of mourning for the connection they represent when they are lost or damaged. This type of sadness teaches us about the value we place on our personal history and the tangible reminders of our experiences.

A little detour

The temper tantrums we can experience when we do not get what we want now because we feel entitled to have it might look like sadness but could be seen as a lack of emotional and impulse control.

Rethink Sadness

We might think of sadness as a difficult emotion to experience, but it is not negative. It provides essential insights into our relationships, goals, and what we hold dear. By embracing sadness and understanding its role in our lives, we can develop a healthier, more balanced emotional outlook. Instead of shying away from sadness, we must acknowledge it as a natural and meaningful part of our human experience. Otherwise, we fight sadness rather than turn towards healing.

Would you agree?

Although sadness is difficult, it might not be helpful to label it as negative. What do you think?

My Negative Feelings Series Introduces: GUT FEELING

A Sinking Feeling in My Gut?

Imagine you are in a conversation. You have just taken a different stance from the other person's opinion. Immediately, you sense a "different energy" in the room. Facial expressions change, and so does the tone of voice. The other person may move towards latent aggressiveness or lash out verbally (let's not even consider getting physical).

You notice these external changes, but something happens inside you, too. Long before the other person audibly reacts, there is this "sinking feeling" right in your tummy. Some describe this as barbed wire waves, heaviness, or a poisonous octopus. These descriptions may fit your experience, but you probably have your own words. I am sure you know what I am discussing. I describe it here as the "sinking feeling."

This sinking feeling is hard to hold. To avoid experiencing it, we might avoid taking a stance, making decisions based on our values, or sticking to our boundaries. There are a couple of things we need to know:

Understanding Reactions 

The other person lashes out or shows latent aggressiveness because you responded differently from what they expected or wanted. Reactions have a purpose, and so does lashing out or latent aggressiveness. In other words, how they react is the other person's choice and has an explicit or implicit goal.

Know The Gut Feeling's Nature

The "sinking feeling" is here because you are under attack, not because you have done something wrong.

You Can't Control Others

Even if you try to never disappoint, always please, and oblige, never develop or change, you have no control over how the other person hears or sees you and how they decide to react to it. Moreover, how you live, manage your work, and build your business depends on others. By staying loyal to yourself, you will encounter this sinking feeling.

We might discover that self-development does not automatically give us a feel-good experience, as many glamour gurus want us to believe. Nonetheless, I'd rather walk my path and sink occasionally than be walked by others while sunk. Trust your gut feeling. It's a powerful guide that helps you navigate interactions and life decisions. Embrace, understand, and let it lead you towards a more authentic and self-fulfilled life.

Would you agree?

Although your gut's sinking feeling is difficult, it might not be helpful to label it as negative. What do you think?

My Negative Feelings Series Introduces: FRUSTRATION

 

Frustration!

Frustration is not an emotion we like, engage with, or want to have or see in others. It could be allowed in boys. Girls: not so much. I would love to hear from the non-binary and trans communities about their experiences. Frustration is an emotion we do not express but heavily suppress… right up until it explodes in our face and that of others.

Frustration is not Rage

Let me be clear. I am not talking about Rage – the uncontrolled emotional outburst that, according to the American Automobile Association, contributed to 218 deaths and over 12,000 injuries between 1990 and 1996 on US roads. Rage, to which almost half of the UK drivers were victims in 2018 (according to the RAC), with women (49%) being targeted more than men (37%). I am talking about the all-too-human experience of feeling angry. Frustration is universal, and although its expression changes across cultures, there is no society where this primary emotion does not exist.

The Value of this Basic Emotion

Frustration, like fear, jumps upon us as if we are befallen by it. This has value. Frustration can take control of our body and mind and gear us up for surviving the situation we are in. While fear prepares equally for a fight, freeze, or flight response, frustration leans much more heavily towards preparing for a fight.

Can – Not – Must

Frustration can be a guide, a visceral indicator that something has gone wrong—mainly that we did not get what we were looking for. This is an essential piece of information as it can make us curious about our assumptions. For example, "Is it really helpful to assume that I have to have road priority here?" Also, being aware of our frustration can help us evaluate a situation. For example, "Was it really fair that my colleague used my idea?"

Don't Suppress Your Frustration – Work with It

Suppressing frustration can have long-term effects on one's well-being. For example, it can weaken one's immune system and increase psychological suffering, such as anxiety or sadness. Frustration can also tell us about our fears, letting us notice what is benign or potentially harmful and who is friend or foe.

Although frustration can be like a lightning bolt, we have a choice about how to respond to it. We can be afraid of it, try to deny it, and be at its mercy. Or we can see it as a light that illuminates a part of ourselves we weren't previously aware of.

Would you agree?

Although frustration is difficult, it might not be helpful to label it as negative. What do you think?

My Narcissistic Partner Series introduces: THE DOPAMINE TRAP

 

Title: Understanding Dopamine Addiction and Abuse: The Neurological Rollercoaster

Introduction:

Dopamine, our 'feel-good' neurotransmitter, plays a crucial role in our brain's reward system. While dopamine is essential for motivation, pleasure, and reinforcement of behavior, its overstimulation can lead to addiction and abuse. This blog post aims to shed light on the intricate relationship between dopamine, addiction, and the consequences of its misuse.

The Dopamine Connection:

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that transmits signals in the brain and is associated with pleasure and reward. When we engage in activities that bring joy or satisfaction, such as eating delicious food or experiencing social interactions, the brain releases dopamine. This surge of dopamine reinforces the behavior, creating a positive association and encouraging repetition.

The Addiction Spiral:

While the natural release of dopamine is a healthy part of life, certain substances or behaviors can artificially spike dopamine levels. This unnatural elevation can lead to the development of addiction, as individuals seek to replicate the intense pleasure associated with the initial experiences. Substances like drugs, alcohol, and even certain activities like gambling or excessive gaming can trigger this dopamine surge, creating a cycle of craving, consumption, and temporary pleasure.

Dopamine's Role in Behavioral Addictions:

Not all addictions involve substances; behavioral addictions can also hijack the dopamine reward system. Compulsive behaviors like excessive gaming, shopping, or even social media use can trigger dopamine release, leading to addictive patterns that interfere with daily life.

The Downside of Dopamine Abuse:

1. Diminished Natural Rewards: Prolonged exposure to artificial spikes in dopamine can lead to desensitization, reducing the brain's response to natural rewards. This can result in anhedonia, a condition where individuals struggle to find joy in once-enjoyable activities.
2. Increased Tolerance: Just as with substance abuse, repeated exposure to high levels of dopamine can lead to tolerance, requiring more significant stimuli to achieve the same pleasure. This escalation contributes to the cycle of addiction.
3. Neurological Changes: Chronic dopamine abuse can lead to structural changes in the brain, impacting decision-making, impulse control, and cognitive function. These changes may contribute to the persistence of addictive behaviors.
4. Withdrawal Symptoms: When the source of dopamine stimulation is removed, individuals may experience withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or irritability. This can further fuel the cycle of addiction as individuals seek to alleviate these negative feelings.

Conclusion:

Understanding the intricate connection between dopamine, addiction, and abuse is crucial for addressing and overcoming addictive behaviors. Whether the addiction involves substances or behaviors, recognizing the impact on the brain's reward system is the first step toward breaking the cycle and seeking appropriate support. It's essential to approach addiction with empathy, recognizing it as a complex interplay of neurological, psychological, and environmental factors, and to seek professional help when needed.