Frustration!
Frustration is not an emotion we like, engage with, or want to have or see in others. It could be allowed in boys. Girls: not so much. I would love to hear from the non-binary and trans communities about their experiences. Frustration is an emotion we do not express but heavily suppress… right up until it explodes in our face and that of others.
Frustration is not Rage
Let me be clear. I am not talking about Rage – the uncontrolled emotional outburst that, according to the American Automobile Association, contributed to 218 deaths and over 12,000 injuries between 1990 and 1996 on US roads. Rage, to which almost half of the UK drivers were victims in 2018 (according to the RAC), with women (49%) being targeted more than men (37%). I am talking about the all-too-human experience of feeling angry. Frustration is universal, and although its expression changes across cultures, there is no society where this primary emotion does not exist.
The Value of this Basic Emotion
Frustration, like fear, jumps upon us as if we are befallen by it. This has value. Frustration can take control of our body and mind and gear us up for surviving the situation we are in. While fear prepares equally for a fight, freeze, or flight response, frustration leans much more heavily towards preparing for a fight.
Can – Not – Must
Frustration can be a guide, a visceral indicator that something has gone wrong—mainly that we did not get what we were looking for. This is an essential piece of information as it can make us curious about our assumptions. For example, "Is it really helpful to assume that I have to have road priority here?" Also, being aware of our frustration can help us evaluate a situation. For example, "Was it really fair that my colleague used my idea?"
Don't Suppress Your Frustration – Work with It
Suppressing frustration can have long-term effects on one's well-being. For example, it can weaken one's immune system and increase psychological suffering, such as anxiety or sadness. Frustration can also tell us about our fears, letting us notice what is benign or potentially harmful and who is friend or foe.
Although frustration can be like a lightning bolt, we have a choice about how to respond to it. We can be afraid of it, try to deny it, and be at its mercy. Or we can see it as a light that illuminates a part of ourselves we weren't previously aware of.
Would you agree?
Although frustration is difficult, it might not be helpful to label it as negative. What do you think?
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